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My heart is beating so fast. I lie face down in the dust. The darkness envelops me like a shroud. All I can hear is my shuddering breath. I am sweating. Fear has me in its grasp and I am so afraid. Father help me! Tomorrow I die.
The oppression is so heavy. I feel its evil near. Be at peace oh my anguished heart. Please be at peace. My sweat tastes like blood. Deepest sorrow wastes me. I am overcome with grief. I can bare the pain and the shame, but the sin is just too much. Please Father if it is possible Take this cup from me.
I am weak. My soul is crushed. My strength is poured out. I am exhausted from feeling so much. All the sin of the world is just so much. I gag at the thought. It is too revolting. My body shudders in disgust. Is there no other way? Please Father is there no other way to take it away but that I drink? You will turn your face from me and I will be undone.
But I must. I know that I must. With the last of my courage and all of my soul’s last strength I speak it out loud “Not my will but yours be done”. In my mind I see a million lives rejoicing in their salvation. I know each one, set free by my blood. I feel such joy in them that I even start to laugh. In my mind I see my Father pleased with me. I see his smile and I feel his joy and love.
I hear footsteps approaching and I know it is time. I rise up to meet what lies ahead and I know now I can do it.
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