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I know the exact day that I am going to die. I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse. I least I do not have to worry about it. The day that I am going to die is today. In fact, it is probably going to be in the next few minutes. Benaiah, Solomon’s new watchdog, will be back and finish the job. My being in the Tent of the Lord is not going to stop Solomon from having his wish fulfilled. I am not going to make it easy for him. If he wants me, he can come and get me.
I guess I should not blame Solomon for wanting me dead. I made the mistake of backing the losing son in the bid for David’s throne. It was not so much that I wanted Adonijah to be king, as much as I knew that David had chosen Solomon as his successor. It had also come to me that David had charged Solomon with the task of getting rid of me. Backing Adjonijah was my last chance of survival.
David said that my death should atone for the bloodshed of two generals of Israel’s armies. I say that David should be held responsible for those deaths. He should have known that I would not have tolerated another man taking my spot after all I had done to earn it. Abner and Amasa had it coming, the way I see it. Abner should have never laid his hands on Asahel, my brother. Amasa just got in the way. If it was not honorable the way I took care of them, well, at least it was easy.
I think that deep down, David wanted me to be held responsible for the death of that scumbag, Absalom. I think that after he found out that I killed him he would have put me to death on the spot if he could have gotten the support of the men. If I had not intervened, they would have walked out him after that shameful display of his. We had just fought to preserve his kingdom and life, and then we have to watch him weep and wail for his son, the one who would have seen him dead. Overall, I have done what I have had to do to keep my cousin in power.
There is the one matter I am not proud of. I still sometimes think of Uriah. He did not deserve to be murdered like that. Still I would have done anything for my cousin, my king. In a strange, twisted way, I do believe that Uriah is getting his justice. If I would not have had him killed, Solomon may have never have existed. Yahweh sure has a strange way of doing things, I guess. If I had any inner strength or fortitude, I would go see Benaiah myself. As commander of Israel’s armies, I should have that much dignity and honor. Tonight , I will die with neither.
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