The Official Writing Challenge
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04/27/06
I liked that you used personal tragedy to reveal inner strength because I truly feel that is where it begins. I didn't feel as close to the characters as I would have liked. I got the tiniest view of it in the paragraph where you told about the little girl in rm. 100. That is where the story needs to begin and we need to really feel who this little girl is also instead of telling how the mother felt - show how she felt through action, dialog etc. Over all this is a nice entry but it could be a powerful story with a rewrite focusing on engaging the reader in what is going on. Keep up the good work!
Very insightful and real testimonial to God's faithfulness in our weaknesses and trials. One thing I'd like to point out is that in the first sentence it says that As a child Sylvia's mother....

That is saying that Sylvia's mother is the one who was taught. It needs to read When Sylvia was a child her mother taught her...

common mistake in writing about one's childhood. But good testimony
05/01/06
Sometimes the spiritual lessons we learn when we are young return to help us through our most trying times later on in life. Sylvia's trial was a good example of this.
This is a sad and beautiful story. As a parent, my worst nightmare.

I agree with Darlene above that this could be a very powerful piece with a bit more detail. Maybe switching to first person? You could bring in the mother's emotion first hand, and still give more detail about the daughter.

Thanks for sharing your story.
05/02/06
A tragic story with a real hope ending. I would have liked to learn more about the child - some personification would really add to this. Overall, well done.
05/03/06
I've heard of children experiencing that angelic presence--what a blessing!

Consider writing this from the mother's point of view, and adding some dialog. I think the basic material for a very touching story is here--you just need to grab your readers hearts a bit more.

Thank you so much for this hopeful entry.