The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/13/06
Ouch! What an excellent reminder. There were a couple of "leaps" between paragraphs at the end that needed better bridging - one minute we are in the office and the next in the front yard. Put the note in italics to distinguish it from the rest. But, good job.
04/14/06
So what's important? Our job or our family? Hopefully one who needs to read this will, and remember what God commands. I really like the way you told this, but you did skip too quickly from the office to home. Needed a better transition here.
04/16/06
I disagree with the previous two comments. It would have been unnecessary to dwell anymore on the promotion - the Reader couldn't wait to get home to see what the family thought. ANd Wow, what an ending! The message came through Loud And Clear...good job!
04/17/06
I agree with Marilyn, this message is LOUD and CLEAR.
great job!
I remember this entry! I judged the entries that week and yours was very good. It ranked quite well with me. I think you could've used italics, quotations and a few more paragraph spaces to make it an easier read, ub tyour message was perfect. Great work on this piece. I can see how you've already improved in ability since first joining. That is the mark of a great writer.