The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Ouch! What an excellent reminder. There were a couple of "leaps" between paragraphs at the end that needed better bridging - one minute we are in the office and the next in the front yard. Put the note in italics to distinguish it from the rest. But, good job.
So what's important? Our job or our family? Hopefully one who needs to read this will, and remember what God commands. I really like the way you told this, but you did skip too quickly from the office to home. Needed a better transition here.
I disagree with the previous two comments. It would have been unnecessary to dwell anymore on the promotion - the Reader couldn't wait to get home to see what the family thought. ANd Wow, what an ending! The message came through Loud And Clear...good job!
I agree with Marilyn, this message is LOUD and CLEAR.
great job!
I remember this entry! I judged the entries that week and yours was very good. It ranked quite well with me. I think you could've used italics, quotations and a few more paragraph spaces to make it an easier read, ub tyour message was perfect. Great work on this piece. I can see how you've already improved in ability since first joining. That is the mark of a great writer.