The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/13/06
You have some truly wonderful phrases here: "...crumpled up like a sad old woman..." "lying smiles on their faces..." My only suggestion is to omit the disclaimer, which lessens the impact of the piece. Really nice, emotional writing.
You handled the abuse in a God centered way. This is suspense mixed with grace and love mixed with mercy. Nicely done!
03/14/06
I really liked the way you brought the images out of this peice, but felt like the end was a little rushed. I know its hard what with the word limit, but once you've gotten the green light, I think this would be good expanded on.
I understand the disclaimer. I often shy away from topics because I think people might think the story is real, especially when the story is in the first person like yours is. The disclaimer does take something away from the story. Having said that, I liked the imagry and I was drawn into the story.
Beautiful. This was written great. And you don't need to have the disclaimer at the end of the story. I think it kinda ruins the impact that this powerful piece can have. Awesome job!