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The feeling of dread came over me as I realized how distant I was from the Almighty God. I have been in this place before but never have I felt the immensity of separation and desperation. I know He leads and guides but the proportion of my iniquities overwhelms me. Amazingly, I function as everyone expects me to. I feel as if no one else is in the place of hurt and vulnerability. I smile. It’s what I’m supposed to do.
God is the keeper of all things and the supplier of all needs. I know he holds my heart, soul, and mind. It’s hard to convince myself that I will be okay. It hurts to think that He misses me, He values me, and He loves me. I know the truth, but truth is hard to conceptualize.
Searching for water in this desert is the most difficult task I must take. It requires fortitude and confidence; both of which I seem to have difficulty finding. I have locked my heart, my surrender, my life. I have built walls that need to be broken. I have isolated when I need to fellowship.
As I begin to pray, God invades my soul. He lightens the darkness. He tears down the walls and unlocks the beauty of peace, the wonderful peace that only He restores. I have been in this place before but never have I felt the honor of being in the presence of such a Great God.
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