The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 753 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Realistic and emotion packed. Good writing.
03/11/06
There is so much potential here! Some good descriptive sentences. I felt as if I were with Crystal as she paced, then entered the church building.

You left me wondering a few things: what did she do with the gold ring, why did Jesse sit in a chair in the hallway on Sundays instead of in the church sanctuary itself, if the parking lot was nearly empty where were the people who owned the remaining vehicles, and, of course, how did Jesse die?

One suggestion: use power-packed verbs to increase the impact of an article that has impact already. Did the autumn wind blow at Crystal's back or did it seem to nudge her? Did the leaves blow across the parking lot or did they rustle or chase each other? Did she slowly walk down the aisle or hesitate with each step?

You are an excellent writer. Keep striving for the maximum impact.