The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
03/06/06
Very interesting twist to this story. Well done.
03/06/06
Well done! Another sure winner in my books.
03/08/06
This one got me. First it caused me to think about my little brother who lives in Chicago. I don't get to see him often. Then the impact of your ending knocked the breath out of me. Not only did I have goose bumps...I was sobbing.

There are a few minor grammatical issues, but kudos to you! Good job grabbing the emotions of your reader (she says as she wipes the tears away) Thanks for sharing.
03/09/06
Nicely done, although kiddo is a bit overused. I like this.
03/10/06
Good job, nice kicker at the ending. I enjoyed this story.
03/11/06
A nice story, but, for me, it lacked realism. Thanks for sharing.
03/13/06
Sweet story!