The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/06/06
Very interesting twist to this story. Well done.
Well done! Another sure winner in my books.
This one got me. First it caused me to think about my little brother who lives in Chicago. I don't get to see him often. Then the impact of your ending knocked the breath out of me. Not only did I have goose bumps...I was sobbing.

There are a few minor grammatical issues, but kudos to you! Good job grabbing the emotions of your reader (she says as she wipes the tears away) Thanks for sharing.
03/09/06
Nicely done, although kiddo is a bit overused. I like this.
03/10/06
Good job, nice kicker at the ending. I enjoyed this story.
03/11/06
A nice story, but, for me, it lacked realism. Thanks for sharing.
Sweet story!