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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Enter (02/27/06)

TITLE: The Visitor
By Ruth Neilson


There was a knock on the door and Sharon groaned softly. She couldn’t get out of bed, she couldn’t move really, not with her leg in traction. Her broken leg was the least of her worries, but she was determined to beat the odds. Internal injuries compounded with massive blood loss were starting to worry the doctors.

Everything that she could have needed was within her reach, next to the bed on a TV dinner tray. She had to wonder what the knocker wanted; it was too early for the good Dr. Bryce to come back through to poke and prod her some more. And she wasn’t expecting any company any time soon—everyone had forgotten she was here.

Wearily, she called, “Enter.” Any form of niceties had been thrown out the window within the first day of being poked and prodded. The door slowly opened revealing a person that she hadn’t seen in several years.

Dumbfounded, Sharon stared at him; as he came into the room, smile on his face, but a somber look in his eyes. Her big brother wasn’t suppose to be here...he couldn’t have come, not with the attacks coming rapidly on the Eastern Coast, not with his profession being among the last to be withdrawn from the front lines of the invading forces.

“Hey kiddo...is this any way to greet your big brother?” He stated, the smile finally touching his eyes.
She faintly shook her head and reached for him. Instinctively, reverting to a younger age when her big brother could just hold her. Chuckling, he obliged, helping her sit up long enough for him to climb into the bed behind her, careful not to disturb the traction.

“They said you were too busy in Boston to come.” She muttered, relaxing against his solid form.
“Too busy for my kid sister?” He repeated, wrapping an arm around her. “I can never be to busy for you, kiddo.”

She closed her eyes, and allowed herself to relax and slip into a drugged rest as she listened to her brother talk.

“I was here as soon as I could get here. I just wasn’t allowed to enter your room.” He muttered, stroking her hair gently. “The nurses weren’t even sure if you would let anyone come in here...not with the mood you’ve been in lately.”

She smiled faintly. “I debated if I wanted to let you in or not.”
“Are you glad you did, kiddo?” He whispered.
“Yeah, I am, it’s good to see you again, Ricky...”

Rick smiled as her body became limp as she rested in his arms. He smiled faintly before growing somber. He had been given the honor of escorting his little sister into the Kingdom. She was and still is a little fighter, determined not to surrender to anything or anyone until she no longer had strength to fight.

Gently, he spoke, “Sharon, wake up, we need to go, kiddo...”
“It’s time, kiddo. It’s time for you to enter the Kingdom.” He whispered, brushing a hand against her cheek. She nodded and smiled up at him as he climbed out from behind her and then offered her a hand. “C’mon little sis, its time to see GOD.” He stated, as she accepted his hand and stood up for the first time in weeks.

“Ricky, I tried to hang on...” She muttered, looking at him.
“I know, kiddo, I know. But GOD says that its time for you. Time for you to enter into Heaven.”

She nodded faintly and glanced once last time at her still body before smiling at Ricky. “Lets go, I’m ready to see Him.”

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This article has been read 853 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 03/06/06
Very interesting twist to this story. Well done.
Patricia Charlton03/06/06
Well done! Another sure winner in my books.
Cheryl Harrison03/08/06
This one got me. First it caused me to think about my little brother who lives in Chicago. I don't get to see him often. Then the impact of your ending knocked the breath out of me. Not only did I have goose bumps...I was sobbing.

There are a few minor grammatical issues, but kudos to you! Good job grabbing the emotions of your reader (she says as she wipes the tears away) Thanks for sharing.
Virginia Gorg03/09/06
Nicely done, although kiddo is a bit overused. I like this.
Jan Ackerson 03/10/06
Good job, nice kicker at the ending. I enjoyed this story.
Marilyn Schnepp 03/11/06
A nice story, but, for me, it lacked realism. Thanks for sharing.
Amy Michelle Wiley 03/13/06
Sweet story!