The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/06/06
Wow! This is excellent.
I have to agree, you did a great job! In the beginning of the article, you overused Jaaleb's name a little. Try using some pronouns, he, him, when referring to the person.
03/09/06
I really like your article. It's well written, and a great story that held my interest. I understand your not wanting to reveal that the bazarre is slave trade in the beginning of the story, yet I wonder if there might be a way to keep the element of surprise without the deception of using "it" or "acquisition" early on when referring to him.

Please keep on writing. You definitely have a calling!

Blessings,
Shari Brian
This was wonderful! Very we written.