The Official Writing Challenge
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02/28/06
Really convincing. I wondered why no one called for the police.
02/28/06
This was suspenseful, and struck a tender note with me...I have been the Mom in this story within a story, wondering where my youngest could have gone. Never an attempted child abduction, though; she was a wanderer when she was only 4 or 5 years old. What a twist at the end! In a way, the ending was a little of a letdown for me, but certainly was a surprise. The emotions you packed into this were very realistic. Well done!
03/03/06
Cool--a twist on the "it was only a dream" scenario. Took me by surprise! Good job.
This was very good. Had me from the beginning and the ending definitely took me by surprise. Great job!
I think you captured the mother's emotions well with this paragraph: “Please, can somebody help me?...” I screamed. Rage and terror overshadowed everything.

I also really like that you gave a twist at the end. Unfortunately, it seemed to come out of no where. You built up all these great emotions, then it was like, "Never mind. It didn't really happen." Made it feel like you cheated us.

If you left off the bit about the movie scene, then we are left with a happy ending for the daughter and possibly a romance for the mother. As a movie ending, we're left not really knowing anything about the main character, other than she is an actress.

03/04/06
You're mixing two media here; literature, which has the advantage of a narrator to describe actions, inner feelings and thoughts, as well as tags to dialogue. Then when we are jerked into the movie set segment, it negates the literary conventions. I think it would be better if the first part was all dialogue with NO narrative bits or dialogue tags, then when we cut to the movie set, we still have consistency. I do question what the purpose of the movie situation is, since we really have a complete story here, but if you'd want to keep it in, I would suggest having an absolutely unresolvable dilemma for the mother that the reader says, "How is the mother going to get her child back out of THIS mess?" and then cutting the scene is actually a welcomed resolution for the reader. Good job of portraying tension and conflict, though. Well done.
03/04/06
I, too, kept wondering why somebody didn't call the police; and of course I was happy with the ending...but it was a feeling of being cheated...however nice! Great writing, and that's what this is all about! Good job.
03/05/06
Ok -first you have my heart in my throat, then a happy ending -and it was a movie! well done -and awesome twist at the end -NEVER saw that coming!