The Official Writing Challenge
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03/02/06
I read a very confused person reaching out for help - and the last line? "you are"? I can seem to grasp the meaning ...but I still liked it, even without understanding it all. Keep up the good work.
03/02/06
I don't think you quite understand how well you have captured a very common theme among domestics at home. Also very advanced in the piece is ownership of personal choices instead of blaming all involved. That's for content -- I'm extremely impressed. The form is also very good, creating a good expression within the repetition and the cadence of the piece. Well done!
03/02/06
A heartfelt cry for help, beautifully expressed.
03/02/06
Very well done, the expression of how they are feeling trapped is very easy to see. And knowing that God is there through it all, even in the midst of our pain and doubts. Good job.
03/03/06
Wow! This is pretty good! I really enjoyed reading this! Good, good stuff!
Great job! Poetic cry for help and freedom.
03/04/06
Very well done :)
03/05/06
I struggled with parts of this. I read this as a cry from a wife... but she is talking about living with her own concessions. I never thought that becomming a wife was a concession (well, maybe for MY wife, but not most!) Instead, it is a mutual increase, a growth opportunity for both. Had this been a relationship between two unmarried people then I could see the use of the term concession. But, the struggle came through loud and clear. The grappling with "who am I" was strong. But I never really recovered from teh opening stanza... my thought throughout was that if she sees her marriage as a step backward, a concession, giving up, surrendering, yielding, etc, that no wonder she continues to struggle.
03/06/06
I, too, wondered whether this was to depict a married or an unmarried woman. I look up concession in the dictionary just to clarify. Since concession means something conceded and to concede means to yield, I think this poem could fit with a wife, too. We do have to yield lots when we get married!
Anyways, well-written. I like the way each stanza flows...
I thought about the last line, too...you are....God's name is I am...is that what you were intending to imply?
03/06/06
Beautifully done Andre! You captured the internal turmoil of a wife who entered into her marriage with hopes of a life fulfilled and now finds the reality of things to be less than desired. Relationships change, interests shift, and we end up in a marriage that is headed in the wrong direction, eroding our hope of it reaching its glorious promise.

I see in her quiet desperation a seething discontent that comes out in references to being in a cage and the rue of conceding anything of such great importance. I clearly see the "You are" as being in connection to the "I am" of Jehovah. I believe Andre clearly intended it.

Perhaps you should move up a level.