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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Help (02/20/06)

TITLE: Boxed by my own concessions
By Andre Kingston
02/25/06


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Dear Lord,

I feel caged
held captive
by my own choices
by my own concessions

He is anchored here
He has a good job here
He has a condo here
He has family here

I am anchored to him
in his house
with his stuff
I own nothing

I suffocate here
no room for the soul
no room for negotiation
no room for me.

I cannot walk away now,
It has gone too far
You would not have me leave now
I donít want to leave

How can I break free?
what would it take?
would ownership be enough?
would a home be enough?

Help me to know
You are in charge
that this box is
in your control

Help me to know
You are with me
here
in my cage

Help me to know
You have a plan
this too shall pass
in spite of me.

Help me to know
You are.


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This article has been read 688 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marilyn Schnepp 03/02/06
I read a very confused person reaching out for help - and the last line? "you are"? I can seem to grasp the meaning ...but I still liked it, even without understanding it all. Keep up the good work.
David Ian03/02/06
I don't think you quite understand how well you have captured a very common theme among domestics at home. Also very advanced in the piece is ownership of personal choices instead of blaming all involved. That's for content -- I'm extremely impressed. The form is also very good, creating a good expression within the repetition and the cadence of the piece. Well done!
Jan Ackerson 03/02/06
A heartfelt cry for help, beautifully expressed.
Jesus Puppy 03/02/06
Very well done, the expression of how they are feeling trapped is very easy to see. And knowing that God is there through it all, even in the midst of our pain and doubts. Good job.
Pat Guy 03/03/06
Wow! This is pretty good! I really enjoyed reading this! Good, good stuff!
Cheryl Harrison 03/03/06
Great job! Poetic cry for help and freedom.
Shari Armstrong 03/04/06
Very well done :)
Maxx .03/05/06
I struggled with parts of this. I read this as a cry from a wife... but she is talking about living with her own concessions. I never thought that becomming a wife was a concession (well, maybe for MY wife, but not most!) Instead, it is a mutual increase, a growth opportunity for both. Had this been a relationship between two unmarried people then I could see the use of the term concession. But, the struggle came through loud and clear. The grappling with "who am I" was strong. But I never really recovered from teh opening stanza... my thought throughout was that if she sees her marriage as a step backward, a concession, giving up, surrendering, yielding, etc, that no wonder she continues to struggle.
Rachel Rudd03/06/06
I, too, wondered whether this was to depict a married or an unmarried woman. I look up concession in the dictionary just to clarify. Since concession means something conceded and to concede means to yield, I think this poem could fit with a wife, too. We do have to yield lots when we get married!
Anyways, well-written. I like the way each stanza flows...
I thought about the last line, too...you are....God's name is I am...is that what you were intending to imply?
Steve Clark03/06/06
Beautifully done Andre! You captured the internal turmoil of a wife who entered into her marriage with hopes of a life fulfilled and now finds the reality of things to be less than desired. Relationships change, interests shift, and we end up in a marriage that is headed in the wrong direction, eroding our hope of it reaching its glorious promise.

I see in her quiet desperation a seething discontent that comes out in references to being in a cage and the rue of conceding anything of such great importance. I clearly see the "You are" as being in connection to the "I am" of Jehovah. I believe Andre clearly intended it.

Perhaps you should move up a level.