“COME TO ME”
I can feel the weariness in my bones, like a disease sucking the marrow, leaving me with shaky brittle straws that give way. Sinking into the living room couch I am despondent and too weary to move. This is killing me from the inside out and I need help. My flood of emotion has left me disabled in a stormy sea. To whom do I send my SOS when I can’t even reason with an unbiased mind?
“It’s always something!” I grate out to no one since the room is empty. This week’s dilemma is no more severe than last weeks but to my crushed spirit it looms larger.
My first inclination is to pick up the phone and talk to a friend or my pastor but I imagine they are all too busy. Maybe a professional counselor is the answer, they are paid to be available but how can I know which is trustworthy and how far ahead must I make an appointment? Two weeks, a month? I need someone now! My frustration begins to swell.
I grit my teeth and stare at the ceiling hearing the furnace kick on again, then I am wondering how much the recent cold snap will strain my over-burdened budget eliminating any chance for help from an expensive counselor. More stress leaks into my body like poison rushing to my vitals. I briefly consider eating the entire cheesecake I bought for the office meeting tomorrow or maybe a strong drink…
My mind starts the downward spiral of wondering why my friends and pastor are always busy when I need them, my budget so tight, binge eating and drinking so unsatisfying… I feel like a trapped feral cat with no energy to even pace the corner I‘ve gotten myself into. I am beyond the screaming and throwing things stage I am little more than a limp dishrag.
A sweet thought fleets through my mind before pessimism can squelch it. Something like warm oil drops onto my train of thought, heavy and startling at first, even annoying, then soaking in like a soft rain. Trickling into the crevices between my pain and self-pity I hear it.
That name! JESUS. I can never say it or even cogitate it without some kind of strong reaction. Why is it so persistent on my distracted brain? I think, at the moment, I need something more than a God I cannot see. And yet He patiently woos me.
Finally, He reaches me through my fog of egotistical misery and I know He is more real than anything my eyes can see, stronger than any man-made device (even cheesecake) and loves me like no one else.
Forgive me, Lord Jesus for turning to the things of this world before you. You should be my first thought not my last hope.
“Help me, Jesus.” I whisper into the still room.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Jesus speaking in Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
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