The Official Writing Challenge
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02/23/06
Sweet story written straight from the heart. Nicely wrapped up at the end. :)
02/23/06
Praise God for pouring blessing on His children, even through death!
02/23/06
Hi, Karen. You asked for a strong critique, so here I go!
First, I'll say that the points you are making are very clearly communicated, with carefully chosen words and a very nice flow.
I was starting to feel like you didn't have a consistent theme, and I was wondering what your main point was. You did bring it back around at the end, but I think your theme could have been more tightly woven throughout the whole thing.
I also felt a little bit distanced. While this was thoughtful and pleasant to read, it didn't suck me in emotionally. You've let the reader OBSERVE that Kathy was a wonderful woman, but we need to FEEL how wonderful she is for ourselves.
Please be encouraged. You are on the right track! Your varying sentence lengths and carefully chosen repetitions are well-crafted to keep the piece moving. Keep at it!
02/23/06
There's a lot of good stuff here. I think that most of the 2nd paragraph could be trimmed, as it begins to seem as if this is an article about children's literature. Focus more on your sister and the book of her life, and you'll be back on the "write" track. Your skills are just fine, now find a way to make your voice stand out!
02/24/06
Comment: Very sweet story of a wonderful cousin named Kathy. Critique: Kinda gets bogged down with too much non-essentials. Edit it by taking out all the words that aren't absolutely necessary, a/k/a "trimming it down" to make it a smother and easier read. Very well done, however.
02/25/06
Thanks for sharing this with us, good job :)
02/27/06
Your opening was excellent - those 'midnight blue eyes' had me hooked from the start.

The tribute to your cousin was very touching too. You related the main point of the piece throughout.

Well done, Karen!