The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/20/06
You had me scared there for a bit—thinking devil instead of God. I think it was your second sentence that threw me off track: "The voice was so tormenting. She could already smell her flesh burning and it wasn’t pleasant." I was going in a completely different direction until halfway through. I think you could safely leave the out and not do any damage to a well-written article.
02/21/06
I too had the feeling of something menacing that was chasing Kayla. I'm glad that the story turned out the way it did. Even when we run from God, He is still there to pick up the pieces of our lives if we will just surrender to Him.
02/23/06
Intriguing story, but I'm not too sure I like the thoughts of God being scary and menacing. In the end (no pun intended) you showed His loving side by taking her shattered heart into his hands. THAT part I liked. Thanks for sharing.
02/23/06
This piece seemed very dark in the first half. I wasn't sure what was going on. I had such a sense of relief when I discovered your direction. Maybe that's the effect you wanted. If so, you certainly achieved it! An unusual and interesting approach to the topic.
02/24/06
Fear does not come from God, and this is what I felt through your story. I felt evil and satan, NOT God. The writing did not flow, instead was interrupted by thoughts of demons. This is just my personal opinion. Keep writing though, you have talent, it just needs direction and fine tuning. I was confused reading this article.
I am wondering if you had adifferent ending in mind for this story. True 750 words does not give us much time to develope to complex a story. But you captured the readers interest, I feel that the fear of God will harm what you intended for your story to convey. Don't give up fine tuning this story. And I hope that this helps you. An honest review of what a person felt while reading any story will be a help to all of us who want to learn.