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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Break (02/06/06)

TITLE: Crystal Wings
By Caitlynn Lowe


Mercy knelt by the riverside and held back bitter tears. They had chased her there, attacking her with fang and claw, tearing at her until they were satisfied with the damage. It was quite enough that her clothes were muddy and ripped, her hair tangled, and her flesh bruised and bleeding, but worse...her beautiful wings, her gift and responsibility from The King, were now in tatters!

She remembered how she felt when she first received the blessing. She had grown tired of life as a Shadow Person, and gathered the courage to approach The King. She had expected to fight and plead her way inside the palace to have an audience with Him, but to her surprise, she was immediately ushered inside. Even greater a surprise was when He smiled at her and called her name.

“Mercy,” He said, “do you really wish to serve Me?”

In a quivering voice she had replied, “Y-yes, Your Majesty.”

He smiled, and replied, “Then look at your reflection there in the glass corridor.” When she looked, her mouth dropped open in awe. On her back was a pair of the most beautiful wings imaginable. They were made of feathers so white and fragile that they looked like shining crystals, and at the tip of each feather was a tiny sparkle of stardust, glittering gold and silver in the light of the mid-day sun.

“They...they’re beautiful,” Mercy said, stunned.

“They are your blessing and responsibility, Mercy,” The King said calmly. “From this day forward, it is your duty to use your wings to serve Me, and to help and care for the Unfortunates who still reside in the Shadow Persons’ Realm. However, you must never again join their ranks and set foot on their ground. Do you understand, Mercy?”

Overcome with joy at her new gift, Mercy didn’t dare upset herself with the details of her new duty. She merely stated a polite, “Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you very much,” and made her way out of the castle.

It did not take long, however, for her to fall. She had tried to help the Unfortunates, but they wouldn’t accept it. They wouldn’t even look up at her. She saw former friend and foe alike turn her away, and soon she was so distraught over being so dreadfully ignored that in a desperate fit, she called out to a group of Unfortunates whom she once know quite well, and, upon being turned away once again, she landed beside them to join their ranks. (“Perhaps they would take more attention of me if I were one of them again?” she wondered.) Yet the moment her foot touched the ground, they surrounded her, beating her with stick and stone, claw and fang. She tried to fly, but suddenly she could no longer remember how. So she ran. She ran as fast as her feet could carry her, but it was not fast enough. They fought with her and broke bone and skin and, yes, even wing. Those wings were a hideous sight to them, and they would not settle until they had destroyed their beauty.

Finally, after hours of desperate chasing, they had succeeded. And now Mercy’s wings—her blessing, her responsibility—were broken apart. She had allowed herself to be broken by the inhabitants of the Shadow Peoples’ Realm when she had relied on her own abilities instead of The King’s instructions. As a result, her wings were in pieces; worse yet, she had failed The King, her King. The thought was unbearable, and as she looked toward His castle on the horizon, she stopped trying to be strong, instead letting herself break down completely and cry.

“I’m so sorry,” she choked through her tears.

It was then she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up she saw the face of The King. In His eyes were tears, and on his face was a warm, peaceful smile.

“Child, because you broke yourself to Me and repented of your misdeeds, your wings have been restored.”

Cautiously Mercy turned to her reflection in the river. Sure enough, her wings had been restored, even more magnificent than before!

Her joy overflowed and she could no longer contain her gratitude; she leapt into the arms of her King and cried tears of joy as lovely as her crystal wings.

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This article has been read 1130 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marie Hearty 02/13/06
Very touching story.
Sandra Petersen 02/14/06
Beautiful description; a wonderful allegory! Good job!
Jessica Schmit02/14/06
I enjoyed your story very much. Although, I must say it was difficult at first to figure out if Mercy was someone who had received God's gift of salvation, or Jesus or ...? It was a beautifully written stroy and captivated me to the very end.
Jessica Schmit02/14/06
Oh, one more thing. I loved that the topic "break" was the main point in your story. You really used the topic well.
Dara Sorensen02/14/06
I love the symbolism! And the description of the wings was excellent; I thought I saw them right in front of me!
Nina Phillips02/15/06
Very well written out. Interesting reading, would be for the youngsters as well. God bless ya, littlelight
Jan Ackerson 02/16/06
Very nice! I've never attempted an allegory--they seem to me very difficult-- but you've done a remarkable job of it here.
Diane Johnson02/16/06
I was drawn into your story at once! It was like sitting down, opening up a book and walking right into a fable. I could see everything vividly and I was caught up emotionally. What a beautiful way to show God's mercy and redemption towards our brokeness. Wonderful writing!
Carla Feagans02/16/06
Wonderful writing, wonderful story. You spoke volumes with this one, it really touched me. Congratulations on a job well done. (And I don't think you should stay in the "Beginner" category, your writing is definitely at a more advanced level.)

This is a story you should pursue telling to an even wider audience. Your blessing is also your responsiblity - use your wings! :)
Karie Spiller02/16/06
Very good story! I hope one day to write even half as good as that. As I read I wanted to know more about the little world you created with the shadow people, Mercy and the King. Great allegory and use of the topic.
Shari Armstrong 02/17/06
A beautifully written tale, wonderful descriptions and detail.
Maxx .02/18/06
This was very well written. wow! Creative, different, and meaningful. Very good! Best of luck with your writing!
Marie Gabbard02/18/06
I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but if opinions count, you are not BEGINNER LEVEL material. After reading this, I felt like I should be moving back to beginner and hoping that I write as well as you some day. You have a wonderful talent. I loved the story and felt so related to Mercy.
Marilyn Schnepp 02/19/06
Aside from the tiny mistake regarding... "whom she (KNEW) quite well"...I agree this is NOT Beginners stuff! It was definitely above average to the point of being an artistic Masterpiece! A "page-turner", as they say; couldn't wait to get to the next line! Great Job!
Gwynn Turner02/20/06
Awesome! Wonderful allegory...you have a lot of talent. Congratulations on a superb article!
Grace Sempa02/20/06
Wonderfully written.
With a strong message too.May God bless your writings.
Teresa Hollums03/01/06
Your story of Crystal Wings was very enjoyable. This could easily be turned into a short story. Thanks for writing such a excellend piece.
Patricia Charlton03/16/06
Mercy and forgiveness, what a wonderful gift from the Lord? Your words are smooth and your imagination is clear. Nicely written. I enjoyed it.