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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Space (01/23/06)

TITLE: Lingering Doubt
By donna robinson
01/28/06


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Are you out there God? I look into the never ending world of space and I am not so sure. It seems endless and the clichťs that You are endless too doesnít ease the space in my heart where doubt lingers. Iíve tried, You know Iíve tried but I am so tired of trying to find ways to have you notice me. Please, I donít need to hear that ďYou know all about me, from the beginning, you planned me,Ē yada yada yada. Because the truth is, the faith that burned inside of me for 50 years is gone. I tried to hold on it through that last crisis, You know I did. But You never answered me, you never helped to just ease the pain. I wasnít asking you to solve the problemóit was too late for thatójust take away the pain for awhile.

Once again I looked up into the universe and saw only empty spaceóthe magnitude of it all no longer amazed me. It was just space.

Itís not that I donít believe you exist. I would like to think that, it would be easier, but itís too hard to shake a life time habit. No, I just know you will not intervene in my life. I read the testimony of drunks wandering into a church and their life took on dramatic new beginnings. I wander in sober and go out with little relief in my heart.

So now there is just an empty space where you once lingered. I miss You. I miss the lift that having faith provided. Iíve come to You so many times but now my heart is too heavy to move any more. I figure you know where I live so I wait on You. I hold tight that my works should reflect You so I go forth trying to make a difference in someoneís life. Iíve given up on mine but maybe thereís hope for them. Iím not looking for recognition; I just want You to know I got the big message okay.

I try not to look at the sky at night any more. Infinite space makes You seem more out of reach. The worldís is crazy so I understand my pocket of grief must seem minor. Itís okay. Iíll cope. I guess this is where I say Amen till next time God. I think Iíll find a smaller space to pray in too.


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This article has been read 734 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 01/31/06
I don't know from what context you are writing this piece, but I feel as though I need to hug you and pray with you and walk with you till you rediscover the One who has never left you - not even once.

The heavenly postman has delivered the message.
Crista Darr01/31/06
Reminiscent of David's "How long will you hide Your face from me?" Psalm.
Marilyn Schnepp 02/03/06
Oh, I don't know what to say! I have also had those thoughts and some lingering doubts; but that is only the devil discouraging us. You do good by helping others - which is all He asks of us. "Love the Lord thy GOd with all thy heart and mind and soul...and treat your fellow man as you would yourself."
Yes, there are so many questions we have no answers for...but don't let the Devil win! Go into a closet and pray...Jesus suggests that in the Bible. Thomas also doubted: read about his unbelief in the scripture. God Bless you.
Babashola Oladipupo11/20/06
Donna, this is so practical, it has just touched the very situation of my present life. Oh i need a friendly hug...