What is happening to me?
All I seem to be doing these days is to cry and think.
Every thing around me seems to be crumbling to pieces.
I think about what I have been going through in the resent past. Reviewing the events in more details day after day, feeling more miserable….
Mary was lost in thought….
My home has always been a loving one except for the last few years, every thing just seem to collapse.
My dad has taken to drinking and the family is divided into segments. Now Dad has got a stroke and gone to live with grandma. Every thing became too much for my mum to handle; expenses, fees…so here I am, at my auntie’s house.
I have not seen my Dad, mum and sisters for sometime now and I am torn apart.
Everyday when I get the opportunity, I pick a book to read and try to let my mind crowd with some other things, but family.
Instead, my mind would get jammed with the events of the past years.
Every day I would rush to the room I shared with my cousins while they were still in the living room.
I told myself I needed space; a breathing space, thinking space.
I needed to distance myself from reality. From pain and from suffering.
The most I could do was cry.
I thought about my Dad, so loving and caring; Why couldn’t he come home straight from work? Why did he spend more time with his mates than with us? Why was he always arguing with mummy? Why was the drinking too much?
Before I didn’t have any problems with my education, but now I don’t have fees and had to leave home.
The weight of my sorrow is too much to carry, my mind is slowing down.
I glance down at the book I’m supposed to be reading and see the picture of Yuri Gagarin, the Russian Astronaut, the first man in space.
“I wish I could fly off and orbit earth from a distance like Gagarin and get away from my misery”, I thought to myself.
Then I heard a voice speak to me:
“You don’t need to go off into space or somewhere else, what you need to do is create some space in your heart and mind for the word of God.
Remember what your Mummy told you? Always to put God first?”
This has been termed the Space age and people are doing things the modern way as they develop. My space age is as old as creation.
I need you to create time and space for me. I put Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, for them to have their own place where they could live in freedom and liberty, lacking nothing, but under my space for them to daily be in my presence.
I need you to create space for me in your heart and mind for us to spend time together”,
the voice concluded.
I looked at the book I was holding and closed it. God had been speaking to me.
Some things in my mind and heart will have to be binned, some recycled, some given away; Best still, I will invite God to come and help me redecorate and furnish my heart and mind. He knows best how to clear out the unwanted stuff(most are toxic) and help me with the new stuff.
A few days later….
I have so much time , I will now go and have a quiet time with God and put my family in His hands….
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