The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/23/06
I really enjoyed your story, very realistic and to the heart. Thank you for your sharing. God bless ya, littlelight
01/24/06
This was a nice story. You might want to spell out your numbers. I liked your opening paragraph...it moved into the second one nicely. Sometimes I had some trouble following the story line with your use of adjectives and adverbs. Try writing some of the sentences with fewer and see what you think.:) Keep writing!
A lovely story - it can be far too easy for us to become blinded to all those far worse off than ourselves. There is an honest and tender heart in your writing - some polishing and a little editing would make this a real gem with a strong message. Keep writing and God bless.