The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 217 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
You make an excellent point. I enjoyed seeing it fleshed out with some everyday examples.
I think that breaking the writing into shorter paragraphs would have helped the flow somewhat.
It was also helpful to have some Bible verses quoted so I could think through for myself what the Bible says about who is a neighbour. Thanks for the read.
06/10/17
You did a good job hitting the topic. A lot of good points on being a neighbor.

A few points to help on future writing.

Read out loud your work. You will catch the silly misplaced, misspelled and wrongfully inserted words. The following is an example from your story:

"My reason for doing that is not because I would like to the Lord to have an account of the many times I have held on to the door for people so that He would bring my way people who would do same."

Also a good hook will draw your reader in.

Take your time and read over it and don't submit it until you have read over it several times. Also, go to the area on Faithwriters in the forum section that will give the criteria used to judge. Then go over each point before submitting.

Good job and hope to see more of your writing. God bless.
Your opening intrigued me and the conflict was apparent. It drew me in and made me want to keep reading.

While you did a good job, it could be even better. It's important to hook that reader in seconds because it's too easy to click on something else. Although this is likely a true story, you can still use dialog and creative nonfiction to make it even more interesting. Tightening up the sentences also will leave more room for the powerful thoughts, dialog, and body language. For example, I might edit it like this:
Walking home with my friend, we cut through a building. After opening the door for Lisa, I turned and saw a group headed my way, so I held the dour for them. I heard Lisa sigh as she slumped against the wall She rolled her eyes while she waited for the troop to tromp past us. "Why do you always do that? You can bet they'd never hold the door for you."
I put my hand on her shoulder. "You don't know that. Seriously I'm not the only nice guy in the world. If I can take a few seconds to make someone's day easier, what does it hurt? It took me all of three seconds. You never know how even a simple smile can change someone's outlook."

I know I took some liberties that you might not, but little things like dialog and body language can make it real for the reader. The reader doesn't need the extra words like: back, one, Tuesday, to go through, college, we got to the entrance. (You can't open the door unless you're at the entrance. It doesn't matter what day or that it's a college. Although, I did add a name to make her more personable.)

Of course, your edits will show your voice better, but I hope my examples help show what I mean by tightening and using dialog.

You definitely nailed the topic in a fresh and interesting way. You make the reader stop and reflect, and that is always a good thing. Your message is sound and I liked the Scripture you chose to back it up.
06/12/17
You touched on a topic that I find very interesting. Why not hold the door for someone else? It doesn't cost anything to be nice.

I like your title, and reference in the story: Would you hold the door for Jesus? This is the essence of what you were trying to illustrate.

I recommend using the Preview button before submitting. There were instances where a blank line would separate paragraphs. It also helps you with checking spelling. I like to read my Preview out loud. Invariably, I find things I need to correct or reword.

You made a good point. Nice job. Keep writing.
06/13/17
Loved this from start to finish! Well done
Blessings~
06/13/17
You made some excellent points here and I especially like your ending. Yes, Jesus would be happy to find us being good neighbors to those in need and those not in need. Even a friendly smile is a simple gesture of being a neighbor.

Keep writing and God bless!