The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 595 times
Member Comments
This was deeply affecting - the sense of alienation as the children are taken from their homes is palpable, the confusion powerfully portrayed. And the use of the moon, as the child's reminder of home, was an excellent touch.

Double space your paragraphs for easier reading and sharpen the editing - probably most of those few extra words could have been shed from that.

I would love to see this as a longer piece in the critique circle. This is an excellent provocotive piece. God bless.
From what I gather, the men whom were not happy were reading from the Bible and praying. That would make their actions all the more tragic when they beat the children and were harsh with them and took their things.

I would change "I cried silently to sleep" to "Silently I cried myself to sleep," or I silently cried myself to sleep.

What do you mean our skins were taken?

Leave out the line "it was a horrible day" as that was shown, so you don't need to tell.

at it all = ate it all

Thanks for sharing this piece, I definitely feel like there is a story to be told here.