The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/16/05
A very nice lesson! Try using "he" instead of "Roger" in some sentences. I'm glad I have my free ticket!
i agree, lose the name and use the pronoun. Still, i could see him thinking he had saved his money so he could finally go home and then finding out the passage was already paid. Nice story
01/23/06
I had a few concerns with this piece.

Why if the ticketing agent handed him his money back did he walk away before realizing it was free?

The moral of the story was good, but work on the depth of your story to really capture the reader's attention and put them in the situation.