The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/16/06
This piece is very beautifully written; the mother's emotions are so heart-rending and true.

It covers very familiar territory; perhaps if you visit this piece again, a different POV. Maybe that of an unbelieving relative, or of a hospital employee who is drawn to belief through this believer's death...
01/16/06

That was beautiful. I was crying by the end. Though I agree with Jan, I would go with another POV next time.
01/16/06
I agree about the point of view. It was a very touching story. Work on dialogue and a couple of fine-tuning touches of editing.

Good job with this piece, thanks for sharing.
01/20/06
A heart rending story of real life. Very touching. I suggest, however, that you re-read and edit BEFORE submitting, as there are a few errors that take away from the otherwise well written and nicely told story. Thank you for sharing and God Bless.
01/22/06
Yes, this is truly very touching. Just a few tweaks here and there with editing, and we'll see the story as it blossoms. Thank you for sharing..keep writing! God bless ya, littlelight