The Official Writing Challenge
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01/09/06
I thought you wrote this well. I had a little trouble with the ending as it seemed rushed and I found myself wondering about it. I think your dialogue was believable and the story taught a good truth. Thanks!:)
01/09/06
Amazing story! I felt my heart pounding in anxiety waiting to find out what would happen to Sarah. You know how to grasp and keep a reader's attention!

The ending was rather quick though but sometimes these things happen when operating in a word limit!

Keep writing! I look forward to reading more from you!
01/10/06
Very interesting story! You gave good details to describe the action. I do agree that the end was a bit rushed...but good job!
01/10/06
When I saw your title I thought about the old Three Dog Night song 'Mama Told Me Not To Come' but this was much better!
You really got me to feel Sarah's helplessness and realize Sammy's evil intentions and mockery of God.
The last four paragraphs is where the action gets rushed. Write the whole story out to its conclusion, then begin to remove those words and actions that are not as necessary as others. Be ruthless. The result will be a tight product.
Good suspense here!
01/10/06
Wow--way to just pull me right in! You created palpable anxiety in a very short piece. Thanks for setting her free! I'm not big on depressing endings. ;-)
Very well written.. and the lessons in it are well timed. I had the feeling you just had to do some removing in what you had written to fit the word limit here. It is something that would be worth writing at full length..and being available for teenagers.
01/11/06
I agree this was a good read. I definitely would love to read an extended version.
01/12/06
When Sammy returned Sarah flipped the overflow release valve aiming the scalding stream at his face. He fell to his knees in pain as she dashed out and locked the door.
You need a bit more detail here to let the reader know how you reached the neighbor.
((Shaking uncontrollably as a neighbor dialed 911. <--end here with a period.
New sentance here-->Sarah thanked God again for the hundredth time.))

When her parents arrived she flew into their arms.

A excellent story...very suspenseful...
Yeshua Bless
Norma
Very good, and nicely paced and controlled. 'was not' rather than 'wasn't' since this was in a descriptive passage, rather than spoken dialogue. Very nicely done. God bless.
01/15/06
Magnificent job on suspense! As for the rushed ending - I didn't mind, as long as she was safe and it ended well. Very good job.
01/16/06
Great suspense. I liked it. Would be great as a slightly longer story...but I kind of understand, word limit and all :)
01/18/06
Hi Larry. Congratulations on another great story.

Just a quick note though - you need to move up to at least Level 2 now. Once you place in the Editors' Choice (which you have done in the past) you need to move up at least one level. Once you place more than once in the level awards you have to move up. So that's you on all bases. From next topic you'll need to enter in Level 2 or 3. If you choose Level 2, then as soon as you place in the Editors' Choice for that Level, you will need to move up to Level 3.

It's a good thing - and believe me, you are more than ready. For updates on the Writing Challenge and more information, please check out the FaithWriters' Message Boards.

Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)