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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)

TITLE: My Inner Rhapsody
By B Brenton
01/06/06


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My Inner Rhapsody

Divided into six humanly parts; a sonnet of admitted sin.


PART ONE
The realization of my shortcomings

I don't want to escape my destiny
But lusts often gain control of me
Promised much, I'd give my soul
Yet still I waste time in this hole...


PART TWO
My secret corner of the universe

I like it here, where the air is moist
Action and romance and adventure taken hoist
Dressed up with dreamy lights, mistletoe
Shooting stars MY ESCAPE and cupids' arrows
Virtual reality posing what's revolting, sickening
Throwing my life away on a mere whim
All through this truth, my mind holds fast
To all it's lies designed to last
My head is filled IS HERE with tales of fun
Worldly fantasies instead of Word from above...


PART THREE
But yet... hope?

A golden light of truth prevails
Sparkling diamond with a promise to cure my ails
But I block it out, sinking into a pit of destitute
Jesus' sacrifice lain under my shoes...


PART FOUR
Reasoning again. Looking for righteousness inside a lie.

It hardly seems like it's a sin
But it's written: don't waste your time on frivolous things
The days are evil, but inside my head
Dreaming, morphing, fantasizing, being led...


PART FIVE
Still... I know there's something wrong.

Selfish thoughts reliving first loves
Pure, undefiled worship flies away like the doves,
That Jesus released but I too am captive here
Although my escape, I'm not living in fear,
Like I ought to, of what's righteous and true
Am I the only one -- does this sound like you?


PART SIX
There's always a way out.

Your imagination is a comfort, a magical place
But have the 'mind of Christ' don't make my mistake
The world is TRUE ESCAPE a pit of slithering snakes
But hiding inside yourself is no escape
You must venture out with truth from above...

Fix ALL your IS NEAR thoughts on heaven -
don't trip, don't fall
don't stumble, don't crawl

There's just one thing that can save you.

The real deal
The all in all...

It starts with an L and ends with a OVE.


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This article has been read 869 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 01/09/06
This is a very interesting avant garde poem with a lot of promise. I like the six labeled sections, and the clear progression therein.

It's really not a sonnet, though ( a sonnet has a very specific and rigid form), and there are several spelling errors.

Nevertheless, your poetic language and the message of hope, love, and escape really drew me in. I hope that you'll work more on this poem--the potential is huge.
Alexandra Wilkin01/14/06
I agree with Jan - you certainly have a very original approach. Work with this and maybe post it in the critique circle. God bless.
Val Clark01/24/06
I can identify with a lot that you say about hiding from the pain of reality in the imagination. What a gift the imagination is, and how easy it is for us to abuse it. I agree that you have a unique writing style and encourage you to keep growing it. Yeggy
Suzanne R02/07/06
How did I miss this in the 'escape' week? In fact, I remember asking you about it and then I forgot to look for it. Anyhow, I've found it now.

Like the others said, it sure is an original approach - very creative. The bolded underlined capitalized words really stood out ... which I guess was the intention ;-)

Well done.