The Official Writing Challenge
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01/14/06
A very good story - especially as a first attempt. It had a beginning, middle, and carried me though to the ending. Well done.
01/14/06
Excellent writing here. You took on a topic that has been examined many times, and you gave your main character a genuine personality. Wonderful first entry.
01/15/06
Great job on this piece. I am thinking, are you SURE this is your first attempt!?! lol....great job, keep writing.
01/15/06
Very good! Now why can't we laypeople speak with the same assurance as Pastor Mills did?
You address a very important issue. We should all be able to talk an unsaved person on their deathbed through to making the final choice.
Just a few places where commas were needed: "before I die[,] right?", "God is not punishing you[,] Trevor.", "Do you believe in God[,] Trevor?", "If you truly believe in God [, i]f you truly believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins [,t]hen it is not too late." Well, you get the idea.
I liked the link of your title, the heart monitor, and Trevor's spiritual heart. I also thought the addition of the beeping of the monitor to indicate Trevor's initial degree of emotional distress and eventual peace with God as he comes to the decision was masterful.
Are you sure you are a beginner?
Wow! This is excellent---You are an awesome writer!