The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/12/06
A good article about trusting in the Lord. A few grammatical mistakes that need to be corrected.
01/15/06
The story is good, one we can all relate to. Here are my suggestions.

Take out the first paragraph, in the second paragraph you show us these things instead of telling us. We don't have to have a lot of background, especially in the first paragraph.

Be careful, so that you catch all of the typos in your pieces. Such as the space before " in the second paragraph.

Watch out for awkward wording. Such as:

paragraph three: as he crossed (his?) arms

how did she know the meeting wasn't good?

could you not have called flows easier.

Be careful of phrases that cause your reader stop and repeat what you have said to make sense of it. This breaks the flow and energy of the story.

The last thing is point of view. This is a big thing for most of us! The story is written from her POV view, so you can't have insight into what he thinks, feels or in this case, understands without the dialogue expressing it.

Hope these suggestions help!

Good luck in your writing.