The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/17/16
Powerful and pertinent message, given the age in which we live.

Well done...

Blessings~
I really enjoyed this story. You pulled me in right away, and my heart hurt for the MC. You did a nice job with the dialog. You had sections were you did a great job of showing, but then you'd slip into telling near the middle. Keep writing and working on painting a picture for the reader and you'll be surprised at how you will blossom. I believe God has plans for your work, so keep listening to him and keep writing. I think you did a fantastic job of writing on topic and still keeping the story fresh and relevant to today's youth.
03/17/16
Well told story about the effects of cyber bulling. I also believe prayer is needed for the victim. However, if the bully's actions continue, I believe stronger action is needed.
You clearly illustrated a current challenge for many teens. I wish you had had the space to also have the parents realize their role in keeping their kids safe online. It is not wise for parents to allow even teens to have unfiltered, unmonitored internet access.
03/18/16
I enjoyed this a lot. It was well told. I think it was in the 4th sentence you switched tenses or something with "called her..names".
My heart ached for the MC as those horrible words were hurled at her over the internet.

I liked how the pastor handled the situation. It is so difficult to understand how people can hurl attacks at someone that cannot be taken back.

I liked the MC's attitude at the end.
03/22/16
A powerful story well conceived. Here's an easy way to tell it more powerfully: when you look back over your writing, look for every use of some form of "to be." Replace as many as possible. Change as many passive constructions to active as possible.
03/24/16
Congratulations on placing 3rd place in the Beginners Category. Your story is relevant.
03/24/16
Congrats!
Blessings~
Congrats, Kathleen, on your placement.
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 19 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.