The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 294 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/04/16
Great story telling, well done, along with a strong message.

Blessings~
03/04/16
I'm so glad the MC had a change of heart. Chaplains play an important part in ministry.
03/05/16
Interesting setting, this has real potential for being written in the first person, in present tense as well. The only typo I found was in the phrase "his muscular six food frame."
03/08/16
The ending is a rather abrupt surprise. I got the impression that "James" was the MC's brother, rightly or wrongly. The father seems entirely abrupt and unsympathetic. And then he turns out to be the chaplain! You miss a chance to show what must have been a changing relationship between the two. Wouldn't the jailed son of a jail chaplain want to avoid his father's services? You have the beginnings of a wonderful story, though.
03/10/16
Congratulations, Kathleen, on your highly recommended story in the Beginners category. You show great potential.
In all situation stories each sentence can be affected by a sentence further down. The phrase "get back to God" was used to describe Jacks desire. Later in the situation it says he prayed the Sinner's Prayer. It is my understanding that the Sinner's Prayer is prayed by those who have never come to God before while "get back to God" means that he had wondered away from God and was now repenting of his sins with a desire to again follow what God wanted him to do.

It can be the little details that can make a big difference in a readers enjoyment in following the situation to the end.