The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/08/15
A very interesting look into the life of a missionary family. This is a good application of your wonderful story-telling skills
10/08/15
Loved reading your story. I always enjoy mission stories. I liked how you ended it with the couple visiting Kenya. Seeing their daughter there with her husband and child was a nice touch.

All the best. :)
10/08/15
I saw a number of errors that I think may have been typos. I loved your story. We spent 17 yrs. as missionaries in Brazil, and know several from Africa. You did a good job of conveying a lot of the emotions that we, and our children, experience in a third world culture.
10/09/15
Excellent job with the topic. It is always amazing to me how God uses those to do his work in this field...beautiful!

God bless~
This was an interesting story about serving as a missionary in another country. I was moved that went back to Kenya after her many bouts with sickness.The joy you must have felt to go back all those many years later.
This is a great story. You did a nice job of pulling me in. My heart ached for Katie. I know what it's like to be sick for a time. It says a lot about her personality and courage.

Be careful about your tenses. I think they were mainly typos, but you did have a slip or two. (I remember seeing enjoy instead of enjoyed) One thing to do is ask someone else to read it aloud. If he stumbles at all, you'll know you may need to go back over it,

Instead of telling that Katie enjoyed something, try showing what that enjoyment looks like to avoid POV shifts. For example: Katie giggled as she belly flopped on the posh red cushions.

I think you did a nice job of bringing the story full circle. The ending made me smile and left me with a warm feeling inside.
The verb tenses were a little rough in places.

Also the transition about the sickness and healing seemed to have no conclusion. A little more information was needed.

Also the transition back to Africa and seeing a grandchild that seemed to appear out of no where was puzzling.

Could be a good story for others to consider who might be thinking of going overseas as missionaries.
Your title was very interesting, and it was an attention grabber; it made me laugh. It was exciting to try and imagine what would be the story behind such a title.

The story was good, but I was a bit disappointed. To me the story did not do the title much justice.