The Official Writing Challenge
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Ooooh, I'm a sucker for a good romance...especially the bible ones... Two suggestions though, first, when describing the month, you don't have to use "April" - they didn't know what April was back in the day. Second, ""That meant his chances of winning Naomi’s affections were slim. But not impossible, he reasoned; after all, she was a Moabite, not high on the Jewish social scale.""
You forgot he was in love with Ruth...LOL
Anywho..I really enjoyed this! Out of the box!
12/05/05
Well done, holds the reader's interest throughout. Oops with the name switch thing. Good work.
12/07/05
You held my interest throughout even though I thought I knew the book of Ruth (but admittedly not told from the POV of the harvest foreman!)
Just a few little things: Some of your sentences could be broken into two to add interest (I got bogged down sometimes and had to begin the sentence again to understand). Variety in sentence length makes the paragraphs sound more natural. In Paragraph 4, the verb should be sneaked, not snuck. Also in that paragraph, the words that Ruth spoke should be in a separate paragraph. And again in the second to last paragraph, the spoken words should be in their own paragraph.
Despite these things, this was a refreshingly creative retelling of a biblical event! Thanks for sharing!
12/07/05
I took my time reading actually, because of your own personal perspective. It makes a the peice come alive. (for me anyway) I like the use of Bible charactors in this way. Nice work..God bless ya, littlelight
12/07/05
Good job--too often Biblical fiction contains inaccuracies and anachronisms, and yours does not. Well done!
12/11/05
Nice job of a beautiful love story in the Bible. One goof-up when you switched Ephraim's love to Naomi instead of Ruth; but after that things seemed to run smoothly. I will go back and read the Book of RUth again...Thank you for sharing.