Nancy peered out the bay window in the kitchen of her trailer, as she straightened out a few misplaced vines.
They looked realistic, but the vines spread out through her kitchen were fake, like she felt that dreary morning. They mirrored a lifeless imitation out of place and dangling around. She wanted to slam them in the trash.
That gloomy day cast a shadow on her heart. How can I survive without Brad in my life? I'm nothing without him.
Everything seemed like it was going to pot around here, including herself. She blended in with her surroundings camouflaging herself, feeling less than half a person. How in the world can I fill the empty spaces he left behind? she thought.
Trudge, trudge through the mud. She had to force herself to move around, to go outside and face the murky world alone. Going through the motions around the house was easier than the times she had to go out. Going to Church was hard, much too hard.
Nancy and her husband worked together on every project; the bus ministry, Children's Church programs, teaching the youth class, and with their own four precious children.
She was a housewife, mother and the only time she worked outside the home was with him. Construction really wasn't her cup of tea, and she had long forgotten her dreams of going to college to be a nurse.
The seasons of their marriage came and went. Spring came in like a Lion, and out like a Lamb, or vice versa. Still, somehow connected as though they were one. Nancy had thought that they were one with each other.
So, now what? I can't do this by myself. I can't face anyone I know..its too embarassing. I'm scared of my own shadow right now. I'm a flop and a failure. So, Nancy cancelled out going to church.
I was behind him, not beside him, Nancy kicked herself.
How can the memory of all those years be washed away in a single flood? A Decree of Divorce? He's not gone. He just gave up on me, and our family for someone else. "Oh Lord, I feel so worthless and undone!" she sobbed through tears matching the warm drops falling in abundance outside.
The Lord breathed into Nancy, "You are MY child."
Later that night, Nancy's thoughts were scattered, between missing him and trying to pray. Her prayers mentally started out like, "Dear Lord, and fumbled into, Oh Brad, I miss you so much, I need you, Oh how I wish you were here.."
The Lord broke confusion with a mere whisper, "I AM here.."
"Oh my Lord, you are so right! How could I forget in my loneliness and despair, that you never leave me, or forsake me. You ARE here, and you DO care for me. Forgive me Lord, I should be taking my burdens to you all along!" It became clear in that moment.
The dark clouds rolled aside, bowing gracefully, as the glory of the Lord broke through. Chasing away all the shadows of fear. He filled up the empty spaces of HIS rich soil, that were left gapping from the harsh down-pour of the last days of winter. Nancy breathed deeply the nuance of God's everlasting love, becoming whole again.
The next morning the sun came up bright and early, no cloud in sight. She was like a child with a gift, as if the whole of that gorgeous morning was specially for her. Nancy, went for a walk with the Lord.
Making that first step out the door, not even a glimpse of her shadow was to be found. Nancy realized then,
Spring is just around the corner!
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