The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/17/15
You did a wonderful job with the topic and nailed it completely in this well written entry.

Dramatic ending...good job!

God bless~
04/18/15
Great story! I hope this scenario never plays out in any of our schools... but sad to say, many are already capitulating, giving more regard and tolerance to other religious beliefs and traditions than Christianity.
I think you did a fine job with this piece. I liked your MC and thought you did a great job in developing her.

Since you only have 750 words, make sure each word moves the story along. I liked the beginning about how she felt the crowd pushing in on her. I'm not sure if you used it to set the scene or to develop the atmosphere. I might suggest that instead of using a well-known phrase like fish swimming upstream, instead you make it more personal. For exampke: The students seemed to be pressing against me. I felt lost and alone, only seeing strange faces as they brushed me aside like I didn't matter. I could feel the pressure against my lungs making it difficult to breath. Suddenly, I spotted a friendly date.
I know I took some liberties with your piece. I
I'm sorry I accidentally hit submit before I finished. Although I took some liberties with your piece, I wanted to show a way you could set up the conflict by making the beginning seem to mirror the main message in the auditorium. You could cut out the spots about not knowing about the meeting and gym clothes. The other red ink I have is the part about quoting the song. It clearly stated in the prompt and in the message boards not to use the hymn or the lyrics. I think she could have possibly sung a different song (I don't have an example off the top of my head.) or perhaps a chant or The Lord's Prayer.

I hope it doesn't feel like I'm ripping apart your story because I think it's really quite brilliant. Even without the song lyrics, the topic was clear and the message powerful. I could easily see this in a Sunday school take-home sheet or a devotion or small group study for teens and young adults. I think you have an amazing amount of talent. I do believe your beginning was a way to show what's going on in the world. I never would have thought of the example I gave without it. I see all kinds of amazing potential in this piece. You evoked all kinds of emotions in me. This is the type of story that sticks with the reader and is talked about after people read it. Keep writing, you have an amazing passion and talent.
04/22/15
This is a very powerful article. It feels so liberating; and to know the MC is a teen, made her efforts even more bold. Great work. Keep writing.
Given the opportunity, this could be not only in the colleges but in the high schools of America.

Political correctness "prohibits" speaking out in some places - like schools but this correctness only applies to Christianity and the Bible.

The way "Christians" live their lives is the only way to show that Jesus is the way. How are we doing?
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.