The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/19/15
How amazing is His love that makes everyone whole which brings total transformation and restoration making us whole.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful touching story.


God bless~
This is a powerful piece that evoked all kinds of emotions from me. You do a wonderful job of picking great descriptive verbs like darting and muttered. Not only do they paint a picture, but also set the perfect atmosphere for your story.

You may want to put the MC's thoughts in italics. It seems like a little thing, but it shows the reader a glimpse into the MC's head and italics make the thoughts stand out.
For example: I shifted in the chair and wiggled my feet in nervous anticipation. What will he say? What if he tells me I'm crazy?

You did a great job of showing the topic without overdoing it. That can be a hard thing to balance, but I thought you did a lovely job of creating a picture of fear--something I think we can all relate to in one way or another. Am I worthy of love? How could anyone, let alone God love someone like me? I enjoyed this from the very beginning where you did a great job of introducing the conflict right away to the very end when the MC showed how vulnerable we all can be. Nicely done.