The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
12/06/05
Very good - reads smoothly. Could add a bit more description here and there, like excitement over seeing the new calf or add a bit of flavor to the dialogue. I know you're pushing the word count. Enjoyed reading it!
12/07/05
This was a very poignant story, one that tugged at my heart. I agree with James that a little more description would make it even better. Tell us what they saw in the flower bed or the barn. Describe through a few well-placed adjectives or actions. Perhaps Pawpaw squatted in front of the rosebush to pluck a dead leaf and in doing so was at the girl's eye level. (I could envision what was happening in your opening paragraph very well.)
Your dialogue between grandfather and granddaughter was touching, especially that about dormant roses and Grandma Rose, and specifically the second and third paragraphs from the end.
Reread your article for typos: punctuation that is or is not needed, misspelled words. (There wasn't a lot of this, but it helps to make proofreading one last time a routine.) Very good job!
12/07/05
This is very sweet. Might be more realistic if the child were 7 or 8 instead of 4; I don't think a 4-year old would have such specific memories or insights. Sweet, sweet story.
12/07/05
I like your dialogue and your ending... seemed to end gently and sufficiently.
Nice story..Yes, a little more descriptions added here and there would add to it.
12/12/05
This is Touching, a smooth reading Good told story.

Great Lines:
“Your grandmother had to shed off her old skin, that was dying. It was keeping her soul from blossoming. When God reached down and touched her dead skin, he freed her soul to blossom in heaven.”

Thank you Adria and Congratulations on 1st Place Winner!
God's Blessing, Helen
I am a feeler. I most often measure a work's quality in tears.....yours had mine flowing enough to help those blossoms grow.