The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Oh, this was so good! I loved this entry, great job.

God bless~
I think if you started this good story with "Kate boarded the long grey bus and took the last window seat," you would have a great hook to grab the reader in the beginning. Immediately the reader would be wondering, 'why is this woman boarding a bus and where is she off to?' You engage the reader in this way without leaking out too much information at the start. Play around with this story some more and see what happens...
When I got to the pigs, I realized you must be retelling the story of the prodigal son, and I went "COOL!"

I could see this as something longer. :)

Something made me think the elderly man might have been an angel, watching over her to see her safely home... :)
I liked the down-to-earth putting a girl in the well know Bible parable.

Well done.

Use this in a young person's magazine to help young people (girls) make better choices by fully realizing all the Pros and Cons of leaving home.

Again, nicely done and easily read.
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