The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 189 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/21/14
I loved this tender tale. And, I most especially love a "happy ending." Great job with the topic.

God bless~
08/21/14
What I loved about your story was your character's devotion to God. Her willingness to step out in faith and take a journey despite her fears and doubts. I found my self wanting to know more about the stranger she came across. I'd like to have known her story as well. It is always nice to leave the reader wanting more! Nice job.
Well told story. It could even be a real life story.

Serving/helping others is the same as serving/helping Jesus.

When a person believes who Jesus is, continue to urge them to obey the leading of the Holy Spirit. Many times they will be like the Ethiopian on the road to Gaza. When he believed who Jesus was he said, "Here is water. Why shouldn't I be baptized?" He wanted to have his sins removed and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

I liked the real life setting of your story.
You hit the nail on the head! This is such a powerful story about trusting the Lord and stepping out on faith.

If this does not make it to the top 5, we need educate the judges in what makes a great article that deserves accolades of the highest order!
08/25/14
Oh, that was wonderful and uplifting.

I could really see that developed into a longer work...hint hint... :)
I really enjoyed this story. I think you did a nice job of working the topic throughout the story. You had a nice start and showed the conflict right off, which is good.

The ending seemed a bit rushed though and that was really the heart of the story. Because you were limited on your Word count, you needed to switch to telling at the end. It's not easy to write a great story with a limited word count. I tend to just write the story without worrying about the count. Then, when the story is complete, I go back and cut out the stuff that's not essential to moving the story along. I've had to cut over 1000 words before.

Looking at this, there's a lot of details in the beginning you could have cut such as the rhymes, the details of getting comfortable, and even little things like the route. They'd be interesting details in a longer piece, but aren't essential to the heart of the message. If you haven't checked out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards, I'd urge you to participate. She gives great advice for all levels of writers.

You have a lot of talent. I really enjoyed your characters. The message of how God takes us on a journey and the destination may not be what we expect is spot on. I love how God does that. You have a natural gift and a great passion that shows through in your work. I'm eager to read more.
08/26/14
What a great little story! You have a real knack for writing. I completely agree with Shann's comments and hope you'll continue to grow as a writer along with the rest of us. It would be a shame to waste such obvious talent.

I noticed you used the word "pro" a lot, a little too much I think. What I do is go back over my piece and check for repeated words and change them to something that would mean the same thing. Something like: "That too was on the 'plus' side for this decision." Or positive and negative in place of pro and con. Or "such and such would be a benefit, but this and that would not be so good.
Change it up and it makes for more interesting reading. I hope you can use that little bit.

May God continue to bless your work. And I hope you'll continue to bless us with your stories.