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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Salt and Pepper (07/24/14)
Getting up early was no problem for precocious four year old Haley. She always managed to start the day earlier than her parents but today was different. Christmas day was the one day she knew everyone would be up early. Bouncing down the stairs, she found her mother and father in the kitchen waiting for her to come down. “Good morning mommy and daddy.” “Good morning darling. Would you like eggs and pancakes this morning?” “Yes mommy.” Peering over the top of the newspaper, her father smiled and bent down to scoop her up onto his knee. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?” “Yes daddy I did but I thought I heard Santa opening presents last night. We should check them?” Stifling a chuckle her mother turned her attention back to the pancakes on the grill and left distracting their daughter to her father. “I checked when I came down this morning they are fine. You can check them after breakfast.” Disappointed, Haley began to pout until her mother placed the steamy chocolate chip pancakes in front of her. Smiling, she sprang down from her fathers knee and took the seat next to him. After blessing the meal they all enjoyed a hearty breakfast and watched the snow falling outside.

The weather report said they were in for a bit of storm. They didn’t know how Haley would take the news, especially since one of her gifts was the beautiful red sled they caught her eyeing in town last week. “I’m done! Can we go check now?” Knowing it was pointless to try and slow her down, they both followed Haley into the living room. Running over to the tree Haley had no idea where she wanted to start. She hurriedly unwrapped all of the gifts and squealed with each one. “Are you done?” “Yes daddy. Santa brought me everything I wanted.” “Everything?” “Yes, everything.” “I don’t think so. There is one more in that closet over there.” Haley ran to the closet and threw the door open. “Oh my, it’s really big! What do you think it is daddy?” “I don’t know. Here let me take it out for you.” Pulling the box out where she could get to it, she enthusiastically tore into it. “Mommy and daddy look what Santa brought me! My very own sled!” Seeing the joy on her face was worth the splurge. “Can I get dressed and take it outside please?” “Darling I’m sorry not right now there’s a bit of a storm today so we have to wait.” Instantly the joy on her face turned to concern. “It will be ok. Santa wouldn’t have brought it if I couldn’t use it.” “Darling it is snowing now and the snow is too soft. Mommy will take you when the snow stops.” Haley was not about to allow some soft snow to keep her from the ride of her life. She had to convince them this was really important to her. This was an emergency and she would have to give it her best effort if she wanted to change their minds. Frowning up her little face in thought, she remembered that last week she used her best on mommy to get the extra cookie after lunch. This was just as important, which made it was worth trying again. Laying down on the carpet, she rolled over onto her stomach and began kicking and pounding her fist into the carpet “No, I wanna go now not later.”

It wasn’t until she felt the sting on her back side that she remembered daddy wasn’t there last week. Jumping up to her feet, eyes watery and wide, she massaged her bottom. “Ouch daddy, you spanked me!” “Yes I did. Now apologize to mommy and go upstairs.” “Sorry mommy.” “I accept your apology.” Pouting as she passed by them, she had made her way to the top of the stairs when she heard her mother defending her; “Bill its Christmas did you have to do that?” “Spare not the rod and spoil the Child, Joan.” Haley loved her mother for defending her. She loved her daddy too, just not at this moment. She couldn’t let the moment pass without letting her dad know how she felt; “daddy!” “Yes Haley?” “You’re not the salt of the earth anymore!” “I’m not?” “No! Mommy is.” “Then what am I? And I would think long and hard before answering young lady!” “Your pepper!”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
08/02/14
Good entry and on topic...nicely done and told.
God bless~
Rachel Barrett
08/02/14
Oh wow, did I enjoy that. I felt like I was right there watching them.

I liked your venture into Haley's mind. Things that seem trivial to us adults, like having to wait out the storm to go sledding, are anything but trivial in the mind of a child. Right then, it's everything to them. I liked how that came out in your story.

The ending lines had me on the floor laughing! (Hoping that humor was your intent...) I could just hear a little kid say that!
Larry Whittington
08/02/14
This is a cute - could be family story.

For ease of reading give each person their own paragraph when the words are in quotation marks.

The ending even is "it could have happened that way". It was a good ending.

Which sounds better: watched the snow falling or watch the falling snow? I don't know - maybe either.
Phillip Cimei
08/04/14
Thank you for a nice story that warms the heart. I agree that better paragraphing is a must to have good flow and understanding of the dialogue. Read some of the other challenge writings and you will see how nicely it flows. Take your time and re-read. Keep up the good work.