The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/26/14
Moving, haunting, and somber read. A timely reminder that brings to mind the sacrifices of military men and women, and their families.

God bless~
07/30/14
Powerful piece. Well done. Thank you.
07/31/14
Great story! Interesting setting and characters. I could see this being developed into a longer piece where you would have more space to develop the characters. One suggestion is to indicate more clearly in the beginning, the ashes from the father were being carried in a coffee can.
Also, I noticed a change in tense in the second to last paragraph: In keeping with the text it would say, 'She didn't want the ashes scattered, she said it wasn’t about that – it was about the journey. She hugged me tight, even though I hadn’t showered in over four days.' Thanks for sharing this interesting story. Keep writing!


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