The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/14
Wonderful! This is an enjoyable read but with an unfortunate amount of truth in it. Great job.
06/05/14
Excellent!!!

God bless~
06/07/14
This was incredibly well done. A true fable that I have seen played out many times, in many churches today, and a great reminder that it is not something new.

Excellent writing here, I thoroughly enjoyed every word.

Thanks for sharing it with us!
06/07/14
Wow, very creative, I enjoyed all the creative names of the members, thanks for sharing!
06/07/14
This is great.

My only suggestion, and it's a small one, is to change the beginning just a bit. Instead of telling us you're going to tell us a story, just start into it, or give a very brief intro. Maybe something like this:

Have I ever told you the story about the church who hired firefighters? Now, they weren't the kind you're thinking of, mind you...

Over all, though, this is great.
06/08/14
I really enjoyed the very descriptive names you came up with. They actually told the story all by themselves.

Personally, I would have liked to 'see' those names in action. Example: "Dorothy Damper, upon seeing Joy Jubilant dancing at the altar, raced to her side and whispered, "Everyones looking at you!"

But that doesn't take away from an excellent lesson in reality that we all need from time to time.

Blessings.
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06/13/14
Congratulations!

God bless~