The Official Writing Challenge
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06/05/14
This is even better than the last. Great detail and awesome description bring this war to life on your pages. Your military stories are excellent.

Great approach to the topic, they were certainly "Voted off the island" by the US.

I felt as if I was there.

Blessings, Lynn
06/05/14
Excellent job! You have such a gift for writing military entries.

I enjoy them all, and there are so many military men and women out there, that would love to read your entries too!

Great job.

God bless~
06/05/14
Great story!!! Thank you for keeping our history alive. Many people think that the Marine Corps is filled with trained killers. The fact is they are very spiritual. And the only thing that they are truly afraid of is God. Thank you for showing that side of them as well…Semper Fi
This is fabulous!

I can picture it all so clearly in my head as I read your words.

Great job telling the tragedies of war and who is really "Chief Commander".

Keep writing my friend!

God Bless and keep you.
06/08/14
This is good.

I'd suggest actually taking us TO the battle, instead of giving us all the background and descriptions. Instead of telling us there were soldiers hidden underground, take us to the point they were discovered, and lest us experience that from one of the survivor's point of view.

Nice job overall. I've always enjoyed historical fiction.
06/09/14
You picked a good story, and you tell the historical side of it well. I feel like you created the two characters of Rico and Billy-Ray to help personalize the historical account. That was a good idea, but I wish it had gone further and really made it more of an eyewitness account.

Your instincts are excellent for what makes a good story and you have a good knack for highlighting the most fascinating facts. The one area that I think would help is more showing us what happened and less telling us what happened. The two characters you created in this story would have been excellent instruments for doing just that, but it seems they got swallowed up by the story.

I don't say this to be critical of your style, but because I see a lot of promise in your writing and really believe this is something that could maybe add that extra dimension to your stories and help you bring them a little more to life.

Thanks for sharing, and please keep them coming!
06/09/14
You write a good historical story and come across as really knowing your facts. That builds confidence for the reader and is important in this type of story.

For me, some of the conversation was unrealistic and cluttered with things that the marines would not have said to each other. Example: “Billy-Ray, besides our tin-can battleship; The most famous US Nashville, I think there are 19 other battleships and 1 aircraft carrier, all trying to see who can once and for all sink that miserable spec of land called Tarawa.”

What is more realistic is, "Billy Ray, besides us there are..." They both already know which ship their on.

I also would prefer more showing and less telling. Which is part of what I've said above; the conversation being used to convey facts.

That aside, and my comments are only aimed at helping, you have great writing skills and I look forward to your next entry.

Blessings.
06/10/14
This is a powerful piece of work. And I recognize the writing, but it is, in my opinion your best entry yet. You are really taking off now!

You did a good job with the dialogue and also the opening. I was pulled into the story right away and held captive to the very end.

Yes, our God is the only true God and He shall always prevail!

Excellent work!
06/12/14
Congratulations! If you are anywhere near a computer over there in France, I hope you read this. You have been in the top five twice now, and I'm telling you, you're on your way.

I hope your health is good and you and Diane are having a grand old time!

Blessings, Lynn
06/12/14
Congratulations Robert!

I am so pleased for your HC on this piece. I thought it might do even better, but other writers in your level are also improving. The competition is great, pushing us to constantly grow. Drop me a note when you get a chance.
Way to go, Robert! Two in a row!!!

I am so very happy for you!

Have a safe and wonderful trip...look forward to your next entry.

God Bless and Keep you!!
06/13/14
Robert!

So happy for you my friend! This was an excellent story, and touched the hearts of many. Glad it got recognition.

Keep them coming!!

God bless~