The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/14
Thank you for sharing this story with us. Sometimes, as it's said...we come into someone's life for a season, only God knows why.

We can only do so much...and it seems you did all that you could. I loved the ending with "being besties" in heaven. Touching, and beautiful story.

God bless~
This is a thrilling story. I could feel the emotions of the MC and have felt those roller coaster rides. You handled the topic in a fresh way and pointed out subtly that someone may be my best friend, but I may not be theirs and it is a delicate balancing act. I'll admit some of your transitions made me stop and reread. The part about going to England in the first place through me off a bit because you had already shared happenings there. Perhaps transitioning it with something like: I remember the first time I met her... Overall though I think you did a fine job. You packed a lot of story in only a 750 words. I'd guess you could fill pages and pages with your stories and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I felt I needed more information about the following situation to accept what was done to be an example of what Jesus would want us to do.

"Joginder treated me very unfairly and unkindly. I was broken-hearted because I truly loved this lady. Finally, Mike put his foot down. Enough was enough. Joginder was not welcomed in our home again."

Maybe it was too personal.

You might have had something like this: "Because she would not accept the teaching about Jesus, we shook the dust of our feet off towards her and indicated she was not welcome in our home again".
06/01/14
Thanks Larry,

I hadn't thought about that. But then,I had to live through it.

I've sent you a private message.

Thanks for your insight. It is important for us to view things from the readers perspective.
Congratulations on your HC! Happy Dance!