The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/14
Wow- You poor thing! This is not easy for an adult to handle, yet alone an adolescent...it must have seemed like the end of the world for you. I cringed for you as I read your words.

Thanks for sharing as you wrapped it up with a good message.

God bless~
This is great. I hate to admit I giggled at the MC's mishap, but it was an empathetic giggle. You definitely got my attention with it.

In my opinion, the beginning was a bit slow. You don't need to tell the reader that you are going to tell them something, instead jump right in. This is an example just to show you what I mean. Passing gas is a normal bodily function, but whenever I toot, I'm instantly transplanted back to Middle School and my most embarrassing moment ever. Even today, I still bury my face in my hands as if that would make the memory disappear.
I can still picture where everyone sat, and I even can smell all of the normal scents in a classroom. Chalk, stale lunches, and dirty gym socks all assault my olfactory bulb.

I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but wanted to show you what I mean by diving right into the conflict.

Often in the challenge, the ending can be the hardest part to write. I think you nailed the ending. The only thing I would add is the spot in the Bible where it says "When we are...

You also did a great job of nailing the topic all well delivering the perfect message. I think you should tweak this some and either submit it to FW daily devotions or another devotional magazine.
Your descriptions are potent and hysterical. Loved this!
Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level. Happy Dance!
05/31/14
Well, this very potent description trumps the lot! I needed a peg for my nose as I read the hilarious details. How very brave of you to share with us. I admire you greatly and thanks for a good laugh!