The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 346 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/17/14
An excellent commentary of how things get out of control with such a small "muscle" ---the tongue.

Very well written and expressed!

God bless~
Nice article! The message was clear and to the point. Keep up the good work, and God will bless you very much!
You marked your article as having three parts. It does.

Each of these could be a "stand -alone" article.One is a personal testimony. One is a teaching article and the third written as a "news" article.

Each of these should be written in their own "style", for their own purpose and for their own intended audience.

I hope each comment you receive directs the comment to the part it concerns.

Sorry about the news from Texas. I have a friend who "counsels" individuals caught in similar situations. In this case, it sounds like "the church" needs the counseling.

Congratulations on ranking 8th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
You did a nice job of covering the topic. Even if I didn't know what the topic was, I would be able to guess from your words and that's always a great thing.

I noticed you did the same things I did in my first few challenges. I felt certain my story would score high. Boy, did God humble me. I tried to cram too much into 750 words. Instead, I should have broken it into three different pieces, but in my brain they were woven together and I couldn't imagine separating them.

I noticed in the first section, you used the word, i>I, quite a bit. I think you'll be surprised at the number of times if you go back and count them. The challenge has taught how to tighten my writing. One way to tighten the opener would be to do something like this: Scrunching my eyes tight, I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. There was no doubt--I blew it and let God down. In an attempt to comfort myself, I rationalized my feelings. The enemy used me; therefore, it wasn't my fault. It makes perfect sense that I'll mess up from time to time. I'm only human after all.
This may not be perfect, but an example to show you what I meant. Also, I tried to paint a picture while simultaneously showing the conflict. I also put the thoughts in italics (hopefully if I did it correctly) to show the reader this is the MC's thoughts.

I think you have a solid foundation to build on. Each section had a clear message and you managed to do it without coming off as preachy.

Your middle part is full of wisdom. I think every church struggles to make sure prayer chains don't turn into gossip chains. I know I could totally relate to that. I think you did a great job with your Scripture selections as well. Make sure you cite every reference and the translation used if quoted (KJV, NIV, etc.) I can feel your passion in your words and you do inspire me to make sure I stay on God's path not my path.

The last part was brilliant. The fact that it was based on an actual event made it even more powerful. You definitely have the ability to grow into an even more amazing writer than you are right now. You did a great job and you made me stop and think, which is always good to do.