The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/21/05
Work on the piddly things--spelling, punctuation, capitalization--and your story will be more readable. This one's a real tear-jerker!
11/21/05
I really liked this story. Title and story go hand in hand. Good job! God bless ya, littlelight
11/21/05
You have a story to tell, work on the basics, put a space between paragraphs and things will look up.
11/22/05
This was quite a wonderful story. Ditto to Jan's 'piddly things' and Dub's space between paragraphs. What a sad existence: to be all alone after the death of loved ones and then just shrink away from company and into oneself.
I got a bit confused when Tom wanted to braid his daughter's hair. It almost sounded like she was laid out somewhere in the house wake-like to be prepared for burial. Maybe having dialogue between Tom and Gabe would infuse some more feeling into the story? One of my favorite lines was "Hot tears trickled down his leathery cheeks. Tears that had refused to flow because the pain was too deep." That can happen. Thanks for this entry.
11/25/05
This truly was beautiful! You put a lot of story in a short word count, but you managed for the story not to lose its impact! Congratulations on a job well done!