The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
05/02/14
Your words painted vivid pictures of the setting - the stream, sunlight through the leaves, etc. You definitely captured the topic well. I did find myself looking for the reason you were at the gorge. Who were the kids in relation to you? Which became clearer towards the last third of the article. I personally found it a bit distracting on the front end. It may just be my tastes, but I also realized sometimes 750 words aren't enough to convey everything we want. Given your ability to paint great word pictures I have a feeling you will climb Challenge ladder rather quickly. Nice job overall. Keep writing. :-)
05/02/14
The flow of your words in this piece were as smooth as the flow of water you describe in the stream. And like the stream flowing gently through the countryside, so too did your story flow seamlessly to the prayerful end.

Very nice job.
05/02/14
The flow of your words in this piece were as smooth as the flow of water you describe in the stream. And like the stream flowing gently through the countryside, so too did your story flow seamlessly to the prayerful end.

Very nice job.
05/02/14
Very visual and feeling piece. The water analogy related to cleansing felt the topic well. Nicely done!
05/03/14
Excellent message within this well written piece that cascades with beautiful imagery...Fantastic job. I especially appreciated the loving prayer that went up to our Father.

So good!

God bless~
05/04/14
An awesome article that has some very valid points. Also very well written.

For me, and it may just be me, I stumbled in the first few paragraphs. The intro seemed to indicate someone in private time in a private place who was suddenly disturbed by others arriving on the scene. But then, in para nine, it appears they all came here together which made me go "Hang on a minute, what this?"

Perhaps para five could start off, "This is my favorite place and today I am sharing it with..."

I felt your message was excellent and I loved the idea of 'city kids', hooked on digital entertainment, getting sensory input from nature.

Blessings.
I enjoyed the setting of this story.

There didn't have to be much "conversation" to make the story come alive. The action and narration said it all.

Nice work.
05/05/14
This is absolutely gorgeous writing. Vivid painted pictures you give. And your title is perfect. You absolutely transported me to that stream with those kids.

I really, REALLY can't say enough about how much I loved this. Beautiful.
05/07/14
Lovely writing! Enjoyed this very much!
05/08/14
I'm happy with the encouragements in the comments and my second place! Special thanks to my great buddies Virginia Bliss and Koos Stenger.
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 17 overall! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.