The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/02/14
Powerfully entertaining, enlightening, uplifting, and inspirational...and so well written!! I loved this piece. Fantastic job with topic, dialogue. Really well done. It had an authentic feel to it!

I pray this will be on the judges list of favs!

God bless~
05/04/14
Thanks for sharing this story depicting true friendship and Christian love. The theme of your story is strong and needful - one improvement I would suggest is put more showing instead of telling in the following paragraphs:

"Sandra and Megan were Christians, and 6th Graders from different Elementary schools. Sandra was from Florida, but Megan lived in New York. Both friends were twelve years old, usually communicated through internet and occasional phone calls.

It was Miss Owen, Sandra’s class teacher, who brought some students pictures from her last visit to Skyline Elementary School in New York. She informed her students that Sandra’s school and the Skyline had been in friendship exchange visits for 34 years. She encouraged those students who were interested in friendship with the Skyline students to look at the pictures, and pick anyone they liked; details of the students were written at the back of their pictures. Sandra had picked Megan’s picture, and they had been communicating smoothly since then.

It was the turn of the Skyline students to visit Sandra’s school in Florida. Mr. Forbes, Megan’s class teacher, had informed his 6th Graders of their proposed three-day visit to their friends’ school."

So much telling is going on here - could the story be re-worked somehow to show the reader some of these facts instead? Just a suggestion.
This was an interesting school setting I had not heard of before. Nice.

This story could be a warning to many that internet images may not tell the whole story.

You did well setting the stage for the girl's meeting.