The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/02/14
I like this entry very much. It is lively, funny, and has a serious message—all at the same time. It doesn’t have an obvious end, leaving room for imagination (and hope!). Both Crystal, in her confusion, and Farrah, the subject-matter expert in this new environment, come alive and have a realistic conversation.

Although I like the words describing the sounds, sometimes it reads as a riddle (“what does this sound represent?”) and distracted a little bit. But overall, I think it is a very good entry.
05/02/14
Very clever well written entry. I really liked how you wrapped up the story with the reader to form their own outcome...Great job!

God bless~
05/04/14
You are an excellent story-teller and this story flowed nicely. I was curious as to why the roommate was so friendly (most aren't) and liked where it went. Your dialogue was strong. The only suggestion I have is to make sure your facts are correct...for example, prisons do have phones (not cell phones, of course) and televisions. These are usually earned privileges but are there.
05/06/14
I love what you've done with this topic. It took me a moment to settle into the voice you use, but a great read. This is creative and engaging with a wonderful message. keep up the good work!
This is a good article that unfortunately, is all too hat we held a concert, was a maximum security facility. true in many of our prisons in the USA. I played with a band that visited prison systems in North Carolina.
The last prison concert we performed, there were at least 125 prisoners in attendance. Every inmate came into the auditorium with Bibles in his hand. This made me stop and think how much these men had gone through in their live to wind up at that facility. However, it was heart-warming to see each man with a Bible. Most of the men were tearful through-out the concert. I knew in my heart that these men had found Jesus, and were serving him each day.
Sorry for the first paragraph in my review of your article. I am having trouble with IE 8.0, and have gone to Firefox for my Internet gateway software.
I could not go one more night without correcting my review. I wanted to get things correct!

This is an excellent article that unfortunately, is all too true in the world we live in. I used to play bass guitar with a Christian rock band. My last engagement with the band was a concert, in a men’s maximum security facility in North Carolina.
There were at least 125 prisoners in attendance. Every inmate came into the auditorium with a Bible in hand. This made me stop and think how much each man had gone through in his life that resulted in being incarcerated at the facility. However, it was heart-warming to see each man with a Bible. Most of the men were tearful through-out the concert. I knew in my heart that these men had found Jesus, and were serving him each day.
Great writing and congrats on first! You deserved it!
God bless
Congratulations Happy dance!
05/09/14
I thought this flowed very well and your dialogue set just the right tone. It made sense to me that the old timer spoke to the newby with authority. In this case, as good thing. Congratulations!