The Official Writing Challenge
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04/18/14
Totally cool! I wasn't for sure where the story was going but what a great ending. Smart dad - love the comparisons. Well done.
04/18/14
Clever use of topic in content, delivery and meaning.

Well done!

God bless~
04/19/14
A great example of using the things in our day to highlight the Gospel. I too was surprised at the ending. I like when that happens. It reminds me of some of Jesus' parables. At times in His parables you wonder where He's going with it and then - boom - it becomes clear. Good work!
04/21/14
I enjoy the ease of the story. I think there is also another lesson to be learnt; don't wait until the last minute to get things done because anything can happen!

I would only suggest that you practice doing more showing than telling. Example, instead of writing "He is a medical doctor at one of the clinics in the city." You could describe actions and behaviors that would reveal the same information, such as: "He tiredly walked through the front door and tossed his white coat with his clinic badge attached to it, on the rack." (Not the best line but I hope you get the point I'm trying to make.)

I enjoyed the father-son relationship that you used instead of using the typical mother-child one. Keep writing.
I thought that it did not "flow" smoothly. I don't know if that was because of the transitions being rough or what.

Were parts added for length?

I just don't know why I felt like I did. Sorry.

How would this same story come out if you were asked to tell the same story again.