Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: googled (04/10/14)
TITLE: The Red Light Beckons
By Julie Barrett
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The impure thoughts she'd struggled with in the past had not been a concern for her before meeting Jesus. Casual sex and one night stands had been commonplace as she'd conformed to the world's standards. But since that day, almost three years ago, when her life had been radically transformed by Christ's love, she'd felt a strong desire to keep her thoughts chaste and pleasing to God. Her old lifestyle was now in the past and no longer how she wanted to live. However, it wasn't entirely forgotten about, occasionally resurfacing after watching a love scene in a movie or suddenly reminiscing about past sexual experiences. When this occurred, she felt discomfort in her soul, immediately followed by regret and repentance. God would gently remind her that it was wrong to relish in the pleasure of sin, even sin from the past. And so, she was learning that God required not only physical purity but also purity of mind. The virtuous path she had tried to follow, the one she knew God wanted her to walk, only made the events of this night even more difficult for her to accept.
“How did I get to this place tonight, God?” she asked aloud, her head in her hands as she sat hunched over on her bed. With her face covered, she could block out the blinking light that was a perpetual reminder of her sin and as she did, she let her tears come and cried out to God. “I've never looked at porn before and I didn't intend to tonight, but that ad just popped up while I was checking my email. I immediately closed it but the image had already burned itself into my mind. I tried distracting myself with other things, including things of You, but I could only focus on the passion that's been absent from my life for the last few years. I just Googled one sexual word and a million different websites sprang up, all more graphic and explicit than the first. Then the temptation came over me to look at some of them and in a way, experience it, even if it was just through a computer screen. I guess, I was lonely tonight, God and instead of turning to you, I turned to what used to speak to me of love and acceptance. Please, help me! I feel such shame and disgust and remorse! Please forgive me! This is not who I want to be! Show me how to find my way out of this new world I've entered into. Change my desires please, Lord! And thank you, that even in my darkness and filth and sin, You offer me forgiveness and wash me in your Blood, cleansing me of all sexual impurity. Thank you for your mercy tonight, Jesus.”
As she wiped her tears away, she felt able to face what she'd done after confessing it to God. Overcoming the shame she felt would be tough but if God could accept and forgive her then she would try to offer the same to herself. She knew it wouldn't be easy when temptation called again and the red light tried to lure her back to forbidden websites but she now had hope that tomorrow was a new day. In her darkness, Jesus had reminded her that He is the only True Light, and that she must look to Him in order to rise above the beckoning of a different light. No matter how lonely she sometimes felt, she knew she was never really alone. This truth she would focus on, as she walked forward, one day at a time, looking to Jesus for the true love and acceptance she so deeply desired.
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