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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Chillax (04/03/14)

TITLE: A WOMAN ALONE
By gloria pierre dean
04/09/14


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There she sits.
She is a woman alone.
She is no longer young, and yet not old.
She sits silently on the cool sandy shore. Her profile is pensive and her body line is relaxed.

ďMy body is spent, my mind is exhausted and my heart it is shattered. I am far from the city. I am free from its noises, the demands and high rise buildings. I have run away from the memories.Ē


My name is Susan. I have been traveling for days to reach this one solace, to this place in my heart where nothing has changed; its the place where my father once played with my brothers and me. It remains still untouched by the modernistsí hands.

On this shoreline we played and we frolicked knee high in low tides, sometimes fishing for shrimps or picking up shells. Itís still unpolluted and welcoming to me.

So well you may ask why a woman alone, on this far distant shore, should shun all publicity and weep for her loss?

I remember and grieve for the loss of my two babies and a much loved companion; of my husband and sons. There was a car crash with a train.
Such unbearable anguish!

My heartís smashed to pieces.
So after the funeral I traveled, alone, and ran to this old place. Itís a solace to me.

My face is unknown here at this sweet lakeís edge. No one knows me here.
I plan to recover at a local Christian retreat that borders its shoreline.

By Tranquility Lake I look at the still waters and remember the words of the beloved psalmist David,
`He leads me beside still waters and He restores my soul'.

My prince has left earth's shore and now lives with His Maker.


There she sits.
A woman alone.
She is no longer young, and yet not old; sitting silently on the cool sandy shore. Her profile is pensive and her body line is relaxed.


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This article has been read 63 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 04/11/14
Poetically moving and touching, with much to think about in between the lines. I enjoyed this entry.Well done!

God bless~
Larry Whittington04/14/14
This is an interesting writing form. It seems a combination of poem and story.

The sadness and loneliness is felt. The reasons are later revealed.

I feel for the character because it could very well be true to life for some.

Good writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/18/14
Wow you have all kinds of emotions in this piece. I could feel each one quite intensely. Normally, I'd suggest to not change the voice from the second person to the first as it can confuse the reader, but it worked with this. It's almost like the MC could see herself removed from herself (if that makes sense). I would encourage you to use stars or ~~~~~ to separate the voice changes. It will pack more of a punch. You did an excellent job of bringing the story full circle. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found in the message boards.