The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/14
Poetically moving and touching, with much to think about in between the lines. I enjoyed this entry.Well done!

God bless~
This is an interesting writing form. It seems a combination of poem and story.

The sadness and loneliness is felt. The reasons are later revealed.

I feel for the character because it could very well be true to life for some.

Good writing.
Wow you have all kinds of emotions in this piece. I could feel each one quite intensely. Normally, I'd suggest to not change the voice from the second person to the first as it can confuse the reader, but it worked with this. It's almost like the MC could see herself removed from herself (if that makes sense). I would encourage you to use stars or ~~~~~ to separate the voice changes. It will pack more of a punch. You did an excellent job of bringing the story full circle. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found in the message boards.